Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Hollywood Desperate for Attention

See a rather interesting column about Tom Cruise, celebrity publicity, high-profile relationships, and the current slump at the box office...
The Independant: The Age of Celebrity
Regarding the newly engaged Cruise and Katie Holmes:
"You can easily imagine how the deal was set up," one publicity executive at a major studio said. "She is told she will be turned into a major star in the next five years. In exchange, she is expected to play the perfect partner and do the other things he asks, like convert to Scientology. Perhaps they will get married. Perhaps they'll even adopt a kid ...

"The entertainment press will go along with it because they don't have a choice. Nobody will ask any questions they are not supposed to ask, because they know that would be the immediate end of their access to Tom Cruise, or any other Hollywood celebrity. Everyone has to make a living, to pay the mortgage and feed their children."

Somehow it's surprising, yet we always knew this was the game in the artificial town where they make artificial reality.

About two weeks ago, I overheard some folks at a party talking about the Cruise/Holmes hook-up... they were sooo shocked that he was 18 years older than her. I pointed out that the engagement (and potential marriage) was entirely fake... something that would allow Cruise to borrow Holmes' celebrity and publicity and Holmes to borrow Cruise's celebrity and publicity. I declared that you can't trust anything coming out of that town.

Someone threw in the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie rumors and said they liked her and that she's supposed to be very smart. (I couldn't believe it, these people were putting 'Kick Me' signs on their own backs.) I said that Hollywood isn't the kind of place where many people go if they are smart, want to become smart, or want to display their cleverness... at least not many actors. They only act smart as long as they can remember and cough up the smart lines they are given by smart writers and publicists. Of course, one of the sheep had to ask a pointless question. (I shall paraphrase.)
"Can you do what she does? Can you remember lines? Can you act?"
To each questions I said, "No"... (in spite of the fact that I have taken one or two acting classes, dabbled in acting, worked in radio, and occasionally get paid to act and do voice-overs in commercials) ...but the "No" somehow meant to him that I was unqualified to criticize Hollywood actors.

First of all, the man was a bit tubby, wore his shirt unbuttoned at least to his chest, exposed a liberal dose of chest hair, displayed a silly looking gold charm on one of his gold chains, and generally looked a wanna-be 70s macho sex-machine yet acted like a catty little school girl on the cheerleading squad. Not that this description helps my argument, but if I looked and acted like that he would have brought it in somehow. ;)

Second, let's say I don't have any experience remembering and delivering lines... how does that make dumb people smart? It doesn't. Mr. Tubby therefore gets a box-full of stinky ping-pong balls dropped onto his head.

(To be fair, I can't call all Hollywood actors dumb... but I can say that a good chunk of them are clearly not as smart as we are led to believe.)



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