How Do You Rack Up 79 Criminal Charges at the Boundary Waters?

I'm guessing it is just like getting to Carnegie Hall. (Practice.)

Big story in the Strib... I heard about it on Garage Logic today while taking a quick break from work.

Apparently, back in early August a group of guys got drunk on some Pabst up in the Boundary Waters, acted like complete jackasses, yelled and swore at some campers, fired guns, launched some fireworks, and threatened to rape or even kill members of a family.

Christ, and folks in the South get tarred as jackasses. Folks, geography doesn't fence this stuff in.

One family's daughter claims these folks were less than civil:

At one point, Marina Koller told authorities, one of the men said, "Maybe if you make us s'mores for an hour, we won't ... kill you!"[The men said] they were going to kill me and rape us all, in very graphic terms,"

The group included Barney James Lakner (37), Jay Andrew Olson (19), Zachary R. Barton (19), Travis J. Erzar (20), Casey J. Fenske (19), and an unnamed 16 year old boy.

Lakner looks more like a 48 year old sex offender... just take a look:

Barney J. Lakner... jackass

Okay, he's probably not a sex offender... we hope he's not a sex offender. I suspect he a least fell out of the dumb-shit tree (and hit some of the biggest branches on the way down).

A 37 year old guy drinking, boating, shooting, and threatening rape along with a bunch of guys barely old enough to be legally termed "men"... and a minor. I suspect this Lakner guy has some BIG issues. If I were one of the parents of any of these other punk-ass, dork-faced, no-account, good-for-nothing, dim-bulb, one beer away from date-rape jackasses I would (after playing a little chin music) want to speak with Mr. Lakner regarding the relationship he may (or may not) have with my son.

According the the Strib story:

Two of the men skinny-dipped.

Yeah, I'm fine with my body... I don't mind being naked if there is a reason... but I can't really see the need to go get naked with a man roughly 20 years older than me. What's more, I really see no reason to strip off and swim with boys roughly 20 years younger than me.

However, maybe one of the guys was this prize winning genius:

Jay A. Olson... moron

...and if he was, I might just disown the moron. (I might also expect that some 37 year old guy convinced him to strip down and swim.)

According to the Star-Tribune, he told investigators that the men "kind of pushed it, yeah. We should have stopped."

Wow! The kid's got a great future as a Monday morning quarterback.

Going back to the creepy-looking Lakner, he had an interesting time back in Spring of 2004... look at this:

Illegal Snowmobilers Apprehended in BWCAW

During a snowmobile patrol on Saturday, March 6, Forest Service law enforcement officers apprehended five men who were illegally snowmobiling on Crooked Lake, north of Ely, inside the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness (BWCAW).

[...]

All five individuals charged in this case are residents, or former residents, of Ely, including: Barney J. Lakner, 34; David R. Marttila, 40; Thomas N. Edman, 40; Mark E. Merhar, 38; and Thomas M. Gardiepy, 35. An investigation is ongoing into other possible related violations.

My Spider-Sense tells me this Lakner fellow might have one or two other black marks on his record. Call it a hunch.

The Ely Echo suggests looking them up now and again for updates and a follow-up story.

The Lake County, MN website has an out-of-date press release regarding Lakner and Olson... perhaps they might step up to the plate with new information in the next week.