Monday, April 21, 2008

Bonk on the Noggin

I’m so out of practice these days. I prefer to not cover the same ground everyone else covers, yet I still like talking about those topics. I also enjoy prattling on about my boy and my hobbies… which, I’m sure can bore the life right out of the veins of most visitors.

I ought to come up with a pattern to help focus my blogging. I hate being inconsistent, especially when that means posting a couple days of the week followed by weeks of nothing.

Actually, one of my excuses covers my ass. It also provides a slightly interesting story.

While reading “This Just In” from Our Word I thought about a recent day out with my family. Months ago, my parents got tickets for “Jersey Boys” for my wife and I as well as some of my aunts. My mom planned lunch and drinks at her house, arranged for a limo to cart us downtown and back, desert and coffee back at her house after the show.

I’m not a huge Four Seasons or Frankie Valli fan, although he was fun to watch in “The Sopranos”. Of course, I know some of their songs, but an afternoon out with family sounded like fun. The dramatization of the story of the Four Seasons was much more entertaining than I expected… and the fact that Valli and Gaudio worked for decades (and continue to work) on a handshake gives me a sort of thrill. I got to see Tony Soprano’s father on stage.

I even got a concussion.

The concussion came afterward… around the time five women flew around in the back of the limo. That was mere moments after the limo plowed into the back of a minivan… which was seconds after the minivan tried to avoid hitting a car driving extremely slow on MN 280 after a fairly sharp turn.

My mother got an ugly black bruise on her leg and banged up her arm.
One of my aunts got a huge bump on her head and broke her toe.
One of my other aunts got bumped and bruised pretty bad.
My wife banged up her back and is in physical therapy.
Another relative broke her arm.

There is nothing sophisticated or classy about a limo ride… at least not with lumpy seats, dirty looking cup holders, blue-hairs violently thrown onto the floor, having to stand in the muddy grass off of a freeway in the early days of spring, and waiting for a ride home.

We laughed some of that off… what else can you do?

Unfortunately, I discovered that I didn’t get out of that accident unscathed. The next night I felt like I needed some cold medicine to fix my congestion, sinus pressure, cough, etc. My wife gave me the stuff she used, but she warned me that I would get pretty drowsy. I took it around 10:00 pm, and didn’t get to bed until about 12:30 am. So much for the drowsy stuff.

The next day I wake up and get ready for work… very drowsy. Some cold medicine! Same story follows that day. I take the medicine at night and get to sleep around 10:30 pm.

Next day… I’m not simply feeling drowsy, I’m feeling damn goofy. Hmmm, must be getting more sick. However, I decide to go home halfway through my work day.

Next day… word gets ‘round to my wife, my sister, and my mother. They all talk phone me over and over again, talking incessantly about getting me to a doctor. It’s been five days since the accident… how bad could it be?

Before noon, I have a mother hen ringing my doorbell about seven to twelve times and ringing my cell phone while I try to get pants on and answer the door. “Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’m coming.” The last thing I want to do is go anywhere and wait for a doctor to see me.

After navigating the new and improved halls of the hospital (with a little help from hospital staff) we find the Emergency Room. (I believe the hip folks call it the ER these days… the folks that give you their digits when they want you to call.) The gal at the desk asks why I’m there. “Possible concussion.” She tells me to go through the second door.

Huh? No waiting, no sitting around watching the fish, no reading an out of date woman’s magazine. Straight to the preliminary examination. Huh, I guess it is a big deal… all the same, it’s been five days. How bad can it be?

Eventually, they want to check me out for the flu, but they also scan my head. The stick a wire with a swab up my left nostril and gab it around briefly… but just enough to make me feel like my sinus cavity has been connected to a speaker system from the late 1980s. About an hour later I find out I’ve got the flu… but it’s been a while, so they can’t really do anything. Just drink fluids and rest. Exactly what I was doing in the first place… until my family woke me up repeated with constant nagging phone calls.

The scan of my head? I couldn’t help but remember the opening credits of The Incredible Hulk where Bill Bixby has lights and medical crosshairs on his face. How long before the Gamma radiation hits and I need to lift a car all by myself? (That doesn’t bother me as long as Mr. McGee doesn’t make me angry… he wouldn’t like it when I’m angry.) Verdict from the doctors? Closed wound head trauma… or something like that. Mild concussion. Not much to do about it now, though… it’s been five days and I didn’t die. However, over the next few months (or even up to a year) I need to watch out for returning or recurring signs of trouble… in which case I visit my doctor.

Felt light I was riding the Short Bus for a while.

Funny, that accident came within two weeks of some idiot pulling out in front of me. No proof of insurance, no driver’s license on hand. Luckily, she has insurance… and they are paying for the damages.

Until my car gets fixed (and the mechanics should finish soon), I’m driving a minivan. Nice room… but the boy sits too far in the back for my tastes.

As long as things get back to normal soon, I’ll be happy.


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