Bizarro World: Operation Stay Cool
Are we not men?
"Warning! Summer may be hot... and it is pretty hot now, so watch it."
For eff's sake Governor Pawlenty, what are you going to issue in late January? Operation Keep Warm? How about next Spring? Operation Keep Dry?
Why not start a government program to bus helpless old folks who are shut-in and send them to private indoor pools, rent whole movie theaters with air conditioning for them, bring them to nearby churches and synagogs, haul them to the Mall of Am*r*ca, rope off the freezer section at Lund's... or better yet, send them to the Arctic.
As I write this the National Weather Service has issued the following:
Fine. It's going to be warm. We've seen this sort of thing before. The Strib and the various radio and television stations around town have been treating this like the Commies are sending us a Slim Pickens Surprise. (And I don't mean a Number Seven.)
Some damn fool will probably say I'm careless or all too willing to neglect our poor unfortunate souls... fine. Your favorite band still sucks.
Operation Stay Cool? That's my Republican governor for eff's sake! How about this for government action... let the news stations, newspapers, websites, and neighbors inform our citizens.
This isn't an emergency... any business with air conditioning, a pool, water, ice, and/or a fan will boom. This is effing summer.
Me? I might just take Badda-Toddler to see "Ly'nin McGeen" again. He loved that movie... and we missed the start of the short film at the beginning.
"Warning! Summer may be hot... and it is pretty hot now, so watch it."
For eff's sake Governor Pawlenty, what are you going to issue in late January? Operation Keep Warm? How about next Spring? Operation Keep Dry?
Why not start a government program to bus helpless old folks who are shut-in and send them to private indoor pools, rent whole movie theaters with air conditioning for them, bring them to nearby churches and synagogs, haul them to the Mall of Am*r*ca, rope off the freezer section at Lund's... or better yet, send them to the Arctic.
As I write this the National Weather Service has issued the following:
URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE(That WX service copy reminds me of my days in radio... ah, to be young again.)
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN MN
700 PM CDT THU JUL 13 2006
...A PROLONGED PERIOD OF DANGEROUS HEAT EXPECTED ACROSS THE TWIN
CITIES THIS WEEKEND...
.A COMBINATION OF HEAT AND HIGH HUMIDITY IS EXPECTED TO RESULT IN
DANGEROUS HEAT INDICES BETWEEN 100 AND 105 DEGREES ON BOTH
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. A NIGHT TIME LOW TEMPERATURE BETWEEN 75 AND
80 DEGREES WITHIN THIS WARM PERIOD WILL CAUSE STRUCTURES THAT LACK
AIR CONDITIONING TO POTENTIALLY BUILD UP UNSAFE LEVELS OF HEAT
OVER TIME.
MNZ060-062-140800-
/O.CON.KMPX.EH.A.0001.060715T1700Z-060716T2300Z/
HENNEPIN-RAMSEY-
INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...MINNEAPOLIS...ST. PAUL
700 PM CDT THU JUL 13 2006
...EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM SATURDAY AFTERNOON
THROUGH SUNDAY AFTERNOON...
AN EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM SATURDAY AFTERNOON
THROUGH SUNDAY AFTERNOON.
WITH POTENTIALLY LIFE THREATENING CONDITIONS FOR SHUT IN SENIORS
OR ANYONE CURRENTLY IN POOR HEALTH WITHOUT AIR CONDITIONING...
PLANS SHOULD BE MADE NOW TO ENSURE THAT SAFE...COOL LOCATIONS CAN
BE PROVIDED DURING THE UPCOMING WEEKEND.
AN EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH MEANS THAT A PROLONGED PERIOD OF HOT
TEMPERATURES IS EXPECTED. THE COMBINATION OF HOT TEMPERATURES AND
HIGH HUMIDITY WILL COMBINE TO CREATE A DANGEROUS SITUATION IN
WHICH HEAT ILLNESSES ARE POSSIBLE. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS...STAY
IN AN AIR-CONDITIONED ROOM...STAY OUT OF THE SUN...AND CHECK UP
ON RELATIVES AND NEIGHBORS.
Fine. It's going to be warm. We've seen this sort of thing before. The Strib and the various radio and television stations around town have been treating this like the Commies are sending us a Slim Pickens Surprise. (And I don't mean a Number Seven.)
Some damn fool will probably say I'm careless or all too willing to neglect our poor unfortunate souls... fine. Your favorite band still sucks.
Operation Stay Cool? That's my Republican governor for eff's sake! How about this for government action... let the news stations, newspapers, websites, and neighbors inform our citizens.
This isn't an emergency... any business with air conditioning, a pool, water, ice, and/or a fan will boom. This is effing summer.
Me? I might just take Badda-Toddler to see "Ly'nin McGeen" again. He loved that movie... and we missed the start of the short film at the beginning.
posted by Badda at
9:27:00 PM
