Countdown: Bringing Back Mr. Right

One week. One teeny-weeny week... and one hour and ten minutes. ;)

I have a Frankie Lane disk in my car in case I need to hear the Blazing Saddles theme in the meantime, though.

Victory Comes With Tragedy

I'm all in favor of ways to eliminate (or at the least, reduce) drug abuse, shoplifting, compulsive gambling, and so on... but leave me and my vodka alone!

Strib-Letter: Stop Smoking on Private Property

Again with the anti-smoking blah-blah.

SMOKING IN MINNEAPOLIS

Backsliding on the ban

The latest evidence from the Surgeon General reinforces the fact that secondhand smoke is dangerous. Because it not safe for anyone to be exposed to secondhand smoke, even for a few minutes, I advise my patients to avoid it. However, now that the city of Minneapolis is allowing smoking rooms, it is not protecting all citizens from the dangers of secondhand smoke. What good is passing an ordinance if our public officials fail to execute on enforcement?

It is sad that our city and state are being dragged down by a minority of citizens who feel they are entitled to be the exception to any smoking ordinance. What makes them think they are entitled to inflict secondhand smoke and its associated costs and dangers on the rest of us? Get with it, Minnesota.

DR. ANNE M. MURRAY, EDINA

Get with it? Hmmm.

Yeah. Get with it, Minnesota... and Founding Fathers. Why should privatly owned property mean anything when the state has our safety at heart.

Here, Dr. Murray, is a concept you might not have considered. What makes you think non-smokers would want to go to a smoke room or even a restaurant (or other place) that allows smoking if it is such a deadly environment?

Vote with your feet and your own money... but don't restrict the rights of property owners.

Sen. John Kerry (D): Remember Me? Remember Me!!!

This wouldn’t have happened if I were in charge! Actually, he said this:

"If I was president, this wouldn't have happened," said Kerry during a noon stop at Honest John's bar and grill in Detroit's Cass Corridor.

So John “Also Ran” Kerry claims he is the cure for the Mid east ills. (Commenting on his appearance at a place called Honest John's is like shooting fish in a barrel.)

You know what? “Guys and Dolls” would have been a better movie if Sinatra had been cast as Sky Masterson instead of Nathan Detroit, and if Dean Martin had been cast as Nathan instead of Brando.

What’s the difference?

Folks would have wanted to see Dean Martin as Nathan... and Dino would have known how he would play Nathan, or Sky, or Nicely Nicely, or Harry the Horse. Or Adelaide for that matter.

Letter to KSTP: The Response

Say what you want about the changes made by management at AM 1500 KSTP... this Steve Konrad guy responds fast.

I wrote him an e-mail comment regarding this Stirling (or Sterling) guy subbing for Mischke earlier this week. (Tonight, they wisely rant the Best Of the Mischke Broadcast, or BOMB as Kenny Olson called it.) A few hours later I received this:

Too much caffeine, perhaps, or delirious from the alledged drought?
Whatever... I do appreciate knowing. Thanks for the note.

I must confess, not only did I have a little extra coffee (and a delicious Doctor Brown's black cherry soda, courtesy of The Brothers), but I clearly ran a little long on my rant.

To be fair, I had to take a shot at KTLK's weak offerings (not to mention KSTP weak spots such as Krok, Willie Clark, and Rosenbaum). I like that he ran with my "Perhaps" rant, too.

One thought occurred to me... with Jason Lewis bringing back Radio Free Minnesota (in the form of the Jason Lewis Show on 100.3 FM KTLK) from 5:00 to 7:00 pm (moving Lambert and Janacek to who-knows-where, not that I much care) starting Monday August 7th, I wonder if they are grooming Stirling to take the 5:30 pm slot on AM 1500 to compete with Lewis.

The upshot is that Mischke could return to 10:00 pm. The downshot clearly hurts KSTP... using someone like Stirling to go up against Lewis is like arming yourself with a peashooter to take out Dirty Harry.

Way.
Out.
Of.
His.
League.

Of course, that's merely speculation on my part.

Letter to AM 1500: Dump Stirling

Mr. Konrad,
As a very long-time listener (twelve years or more) it is my duty to let you know that Sterling is perhaps one of the worst hosts AM 1500 has used in a major timeslot... and considering the fact that Chris Krok was on KSTP for two years and Willie Clark still is, that's saying something.

I would have described Sterling as an on-air personality, however, he seems to lack any sign of an interesting personality. The man has no charisma and an even worse voice. His topics are not engaging, and often repetitive (but I'm straying back into Krok territory again).

I know it is summer and you wouldn't dare try putting Sterling in any timeslot during any other time of the year, but even in summer the man is unbearable.

"How unbearable?" you might ask. Unbearable enough that I attempted to listen to Sarah Janacek and Brian Lambert. He makes Andrew Colton and Kelly Guest sound dynamic. He makes Mike Gallager sound professional. He makes Ron Rosenbaum sound entertaining and likeable.

Perhaps you're looking for a different audience base. Perhaps you're grooming Sterling for a regular slot. Perhaps you're shooing folks away from the post-Garage Logic spot for some reason. All of those show a colossal lack of judgement... and I truly hope that is not the case.

I understand that getting a substitute for Mischke is quite tricky... even more so in the 5:30 to 7:30 pm slot. I'm sure you don't want to use The Best of Mischke every time he's out (although, there are worse alternatives). Replacements for Mischke are nearly impossible... especially considering James Lileks has an affinity for the other station. Mischke is a tough act to follow... however, you guys must try better next time.

Thanks for the time,

Badda-Blogger

• Chris Krok's page on AM 1500 KSTP... note to the web-folks, erase all proof that you used to have Krok on your station!!!
• Brian Lambert and Sarah Janacek's upcoming replacement... watch out AM 1500.

Tell Me About 303-337-8074

How well or how poorly did that telemarketer do? I'm dying to know.

What am I talking about? (A common enough question.)

Earlier this year, I posted a comment about a telemarketing call... I called it "Special Promotion: You've Got the Wrong House".

I posted the number, (303) 337-8074, the name of the telemarketing company (Emperion Marketing), and the rough script/conversation between me and the girl who didn't speak well at all. (Oddly enough, she wanted me to subscribe to the Minneapolis Star and Tribune... and I contribute to the Anti-Strib, a blog dedicated to ragging on the Enemy Paper.)

Apparently, a lot of folks are checking out this number through Google and other web searches.

Fill up my comment section or my e-mail with your stories.

This might even provide a service. ;)

Back in the Saddle Again

Hey, hey! I'm back downtown again for another stint of office nonsense. This time... very temporary, which is unfortunate as the money isn't bad, I'm walking to and from my parking space each day, the female-scenery is great downtown, the folks I'm working with are very nice, I get to stop by and see some of my former employers, and it is a very different kind of office.

I'm also working on a Mac for the first time in my professional career... which is very odd, and is slowing me down. Of course, it merely makes me better to know PC and Mac.

However, even with this assignment running short I have more silver poised and ready to line my party cloudy forecast. This gig probably won't materialize any time soon, but it sounds like it might start with some voice work and possibly proceed from there.

Oooooh! I just thought... if I walk fast I can stop by Brit's Pub again for lunch!

There's also The Brothers' Deli.

Ah! Working downtown feels just like being king.

Moron Protests Historic Fort Snelling: Update

About a month ago I commented on a ridiculous protestor who wants to see the end of Fort Snelling. (That’s Historic Fort Snelling… just call up the fort, they’ll tell you.) For some reason I got it into my head to do another search on the moonbat involved, Tiffany Eggenberg. Result? More on the story… and (possibly more importantly) some insight into Eggenberg.

The Twin Cities Daily Planet (just take a look at what they are all about) and The Pulse have a story on Coldwater Spring… property near the fort. A while ago, one of the plans included a land sale to the Minneapolis Airport Commission who would then build a multi-level parking garage and warehouses for airport vehicles. That plan faded away after the airline economy fell due to the 9/11 attack.

The National Park Service has some plans for the land.

An office park is one of the alternatives NPS is looking at for Coldwater's future. When Tiffany Eggenberg, a Mendota Dakota community member, heard "office park" she was "flabbergasted!"

"Office park! Oh my gosh, I am so appalled! I hadn't heard talk of this," said the mother of sons aged 13 and 7. "You know myself and my family want to be involved, the kids too. We are not church people and we never really did much praying before because we couldn't find a 'religion' or whatever you want to call it that we agreed with, until we became involved in the Mendota community.

"I will say it again, my kids learned how to pray at the spring and, well, so did I pretty much. It turns out we are very spiritual people and always have been as far as nature and the earth are concerned, now we have found an avenue to act upon our feelings and they are trying to ruin one of the most special places we know!

"We love Coldwater and want to be involved in preserving it," Eggenberg said. "The kids ask all the time, 'When are we going to Coldwater?'"

(Emphasis mine... kookiness Eggenberg's.)

I think that paints a certain kind of picture.

Never Got a Dinner: Red Buttons Dies at 87

Red Buttons... here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

(Don't forget to check out the Friars' Club website.)

Actually, Red eventually got his testimonial dinner in 1987... however, that was part of his bit. (He was also the man of honor for the Friars' Club Celebrity Roast in 1958.)

Not many folks were so honored. Red was one of the few. Many other greats "never got a dinner". Some of the biggest names were never reached that point. We're talking the biggies.

• Adam, who said to God, "I've got more ribs, do you got more broads?"... and said to George Burns, "Dad, can I have my allowance?"... never got a dinner.
• Moses, who said to the Children of Israel, "Wear your galoshes, I never did this trick before... and stop calling me Charelton!"... never got a dinner.
• Flash Gordon, who said, "No, that's not how I got my name"... never got a dinner.
• Amelia Earhart, who said, "Stop looking for me, see if you can find my luggage"... never got a dinner.
• Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, "How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant!"... never got a dinner.
• Jack the Ripper's mother, who said, "How come I never see you with the same girl twice?"... never got a dinner.
• President Jimmy Carter, who said to Pope John Paul II, "Next time bring the missus"... never got a dinner.
• King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, "Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea"... never got a dinner.
• Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, "Maybe we're white"... never got a dinner.
• Doctor Spock, who said, "Never raise your hand to your kids, it leaves your groin unprotected"... never got a dinner.
• King Soloman, who said to his thousand wives, "Who hasn't got a headache?"... never got a dinner.
• The invisible man's wife, who said, "I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop!"... never got a dinner.
• Aladdin, who said to his wife, "I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing!"... never got a dinner.

(At least, that was according to Red.)

Now, I listened to one of Red's albums a year or two ago. For some reason I listened again this weekend. For some other reason I wanted to look up Red... mostly to look up more information on his acts. Google listed quite a few finds... and that he died at age 87. I thought that must have been a couple of years ago. Imagine my surprise to learn that he just died on July 13, 2006.

If you've ever heard any of the roasts from the Friars' Club... they are rather raw and raunchy. Funnier than Hell! Great comedians of the golden age cursing and swearing and shooting off with any number of vulgarisms and dirty jokes and insults. Red was mostly clean in the roasts. At least his language was clean... occasionally (from the handful of recordings I've found), he strayed into slightly raunchy material, but always with clean language. (The same year Red got his Testamonial Dinner, Rich Little was honored with a Celebrity Roast... you should hear his speach at the end! Especially his impression of Johnny Carson... perfect, and deliciously vulgar!)

(In case you are wondering who got a dinner, here's the list of Testimonial Dinners from the Friars' own site. Don't forget, they also honored folks with other ceremonies, too... however, I don't quite know why some got dinners and some got roasts... I think there were also lunches.)

Bizarro World: Operation Stay Cool

Are we not men?

"Warning! Summer may be hot... and it is pretty hot now, so watch it."

For eff's sake Governor Pawlenty, what are you going to issue in late January? Operation Keep Warm? How about next Spring? Operation Keep Dry?

Why not start a government program to bus helpless old folks who are shut-in and send them to private indoor pools, rent whole movie theaters with air conditioning for them, bring them to nearby churches and synagogs, haul them to the Mall of Am*r*ca, rope off the freezer section at Lund's... or better yet, send them to the Arctic.

As I write this the National Weather Service has issued the following:

URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN MN
700 PM CDT THU JUL 13 2006

...A PROLONGED PERIOD OF DANGEROUS HEAT EXPECTED ACROSS THE TWIN
CITIES THIS WEEKEND...

.A COMBINATION OF HEAT AND HIGH HUMIDITY IS EXPECTED TO RESULT IN
DANGEROUS HEAT INDICES BETWEEN 100 AND 105 DEGREES ON BOTH
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. A NIGHT TIME LOW TEMPERATURE BETWEEN 75 AND
80 DEGREES WITHIN THIS WARM PERIOD WILL CAUSE STRUCTURES THAT LACK
AIR CONDITIONING TO POTENTIALLY BUILD UP UNSAFE LEVELS OF HEAT
OVER TIME.

MNZ060-062-140800-
/O.CON.KMPX.EH.A.0001.060715T1700Z-060716T2300Z/
HENNEPIN-RAMSEY-
INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...MINNEAPOLIS...ST. PAUL
700 PM CDT THU JUL 13 2006

...EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM SATURDAY AFTERNOON
THROUGH SUNDAY AFTERNOON...

AN EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM SATURDAY AFTERNOON
THROUGH SUNDAY AFTERNOON.

WITH POTENTIALLY LIFE THREATENING CONDITIONS FOR SHUT IN SENIORS
OR ANYONE CURRENTLY IN POOR HEALTH WITHOUT AIR CONDITIONING...
PLANS SHOULD BE MADE NOW TO ENSURE THAT SAFE...COOL LOCATIONS CAN
BE PROVIDED DURING THE UPCOMING WEEKEND.

AN EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH MEANS THAT A PROLONGED PERIOD OF HOT
TEMPERATURES IS EXPECTED. THE COMBINATION OF HOT TEMPERATURES AND
HIGH HUMIDITY WILL COMBINE TO CREATE A DANGEROUS SITUATION IN
WHICH HEAT ILLNESSES ARE POSSIBLE. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS...STAY
IN AN AIR-CONDITIONED ROOM...STAY OUT OF THE SUN...AND CHECK UP
ON RELATIVES AND NEIGHBORS.

(That WX service copy reminds me of my days in radio... ah, to be young again.)

Fine. It's going to be warm. We've seen this sort of thing before. The Strib and the various radio and television stations around town have been treating this like the Commies are sending us a Slim Pickens Surprise. (And I don't mean a Number Seven.)

Some damn fool will probably say I'm careless or all too willing to neglect our poor unfortunate souls... fine. Your favorite band still sucks.

Operation Stay Cool? That's my Republican governor for eff's sake! How about this for government action... let the news stations, newspapers, websites, and neighbors inform our citizens.

This isn't an emergency... any business with air conditioning, a pool, water, ice, and/or a fan will boom. This is effing summer.

Me? I might just take Badda-Toddler to see "Ly'nin McGeen" again. He loved that movie... and we missed the start of the short film at the beginning.

Baffled Public Wonders: Where is Suri Cruise

Uh. No, it doesn't. The public isn't baffled. The public doesn't wonder. The public doesn't effing care.

Just look at this guy. He's got smugly-ugly all over him.

He's so goofy looking it is starting to leak all over Katie Holmes. Is that even Katie Holmes? It looks like Courtney Love was forced to sober up, get a dye job, and fake a smile.


He still looks like Jackie Earle Haley.




"Dude! I'm with a girl!!!"



Dude, your agent arranged it. You'll be divorced within five years. Check your Franklin calendar.

Highway Robbery (continued)

Looking up the South Grove Elementary School information online I grabbed their phone number... of course schooooool's / out / for / sum-mer! However, the phone message left the district's number (651-306-7800). A nice lady answered the phone and answered my question to the best of her ability.

Essentially, without getting too technical or descriptive, a Paraprofessional is some kind of assistant teacher. By the sound of it, some of them work one-on-one with students.

Other Licensed Professionals is more of a mystery, but the lady offered the name of someone else who might have the answer. I might just call back later.


UPDATE: 17:31 PM
After looking at the pictures of this school again I get the (strong) impression I went there for Second Grade.

Highway Robbery: $7000

KSTP 5 Eyewitness News covered a local story at the top of tonight's 6:00 PM news... South Metro Principal Charged With Theft.

A former school principal has been charged with embezzlement after allegedly stealing over $6,000 from her former school.

Principal Sidney Tenney Brock (called Sidney Maxine Brock in the story and the complaint) of South Grove Elementary in Inver Grove Heights stole eight checks totaling up to $6850.

The first thought that came to my mind? It costs Minnesota taxpayers thousands of dollars to teach one student per year and you're getting bent out of shape over 68 hundred bucks?

Man, those Happy to Pay for a Better Minnesota folks have us snowed.

Not only that, but look at the school itself... I'd love to know what kind of Media Specialist, Paraprofessionals, and Other Lisenced Professionals they have and exactly what service they perform.